For Hire: Professional Criers Needed...
...to mourn the death of the young daughter of a certain ruler. This is a one day gig. Must be able to laugh or cry on a moment’s notice. Overtime pay available for ability to laugh the Savior to scorn. Be prepared to be shut out of the house. In the event of a resurrection, all criers will be immediately dismissed without pay. Minstrel experience preferred. Applications accepted online.

Mat 9:18 While he spake these things unto them, behold, there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, saying, My daughter is even now dead: but come and lay thy hand upon her, and she shall live. 19 And Jesus arose, and followed him, and so did his disciples. 23 And when Jesus came into the ruler's house, and saw the minstrels and the people making a noise, 24 He said unto them, Give place: for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn. 25 But when the people were put forth, he went in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose.