Monday, February 2, 2009

The Most Powerful Man on Earth

Most Americans, without hesitation, believe the POTUS (President of the United States) has the distinction of being the most powerful man on earth. But let’s think about that a bit. Today I offer my top 5 list.

5. Oprah Winfrey. I remember many years ago, riding a ski lift up Telluride’s slopes and looking down onto Oprah’s balcony. My thought was, “How much moola do you have to have to make to live on this hill?” At the time, she made a paltry $54 mil per annum. In ’08, she raked in $385M and is worth $2.7 billion. This poor child from Kosciusko, MS, who made good as a media mogul, is dubbed as the richest African American in history, the first black billionaire, and the most influential woman in the world. She is said to have delivered over a million votes to Barack Obama in the final days of the ’08 elections. She was even considered by notorious Illinois Governor Blagojevich as a possible replacement for the Messiah’s vacant senate seat. Not only that, but she is the associate pastor of the newest world-wide cult. Perhaps she could be appointed as the false prophet for the false messiah. That’s power, man! Therefore she ranks as my number 5 world’s most powerful man.

4. Rush Limbaugh, aka, El Rushbo, aka, Maharushie, ad nauseam. Yes, ensconced behind the golden EIB mic every Monday through Friday, this living legend of radio and opinion whose talent is on loan from God ranks #4 in my list of most powerful men on earth. If he only knew he only rated a 4, I am sure his oversized ego would be greatly deflated to only 10 times the size of a normal human sapiens. In only one week the king of talk radio has drawn the ire of the POTUS, the DNC (Democratic National Committee) and every liberal critic in the known blogosphere. Why all the fuss over this teddy bear who takes on his enemies with one half of his brain tied behind his back? Because he said he hopes the POTUS will fail. Imagine that! He hopes that ultra-liberalism fails so that decent thinking Americans can regain status in the 3 branches of government. Shame on him! It’s un-American to hope a gay-friendly, big-spending , Arab-placating, abortionist president doesn’t succeed.

3. Rahm Emmanuel (literal meaning: Highly exalted God with us). Imagine opening a package and finding in it a rotting 2 foot long fish! That’s what happens when you cross #3 on our world’s most powerful list. And once you have been humiliated in defeat, expect a display of passion as he stabs a table with his steak knife, calling out your name and saying, “die!” The chief of Messiah’s staff will be the behind the scenes power of the regime that woos the world.

2. His Eminence, the Holy Messiah Barack H. Obama. On inauguration day the Anointed One made his triumphal entry to the holy city of Washington riding upon “the Beast”, his POTUS mobile. He has the ministry of world reconciliation. He is able to revive the economy, close Gitmo with a single pen stroke, strike down DOMA in a single bound and stop speeding republicans with his cool stare. His Kryptonite… Oath repeating ability and bowling.

And the #1 most powerful man on earth...

1. Al Gore. Inventor of the internet, inspiration for “Love Story”, Oscar and Grammy winner, Man of the Year, Nobel Prize recipient, Savior of the Planet. The biggest lie foisted on the world since the snake in the garden told Eve she could be like God if she ate that pomegranate is Al’s warning that we have ruined our mother goddess with our irresponsible greenhouse emissions. Well, then there is his follow up, that we can do something about it! You are a powerful man Al. How many of you miss the Clinton administration when we had both sex and Gore in the White House? If someone actually deflated this windbag we would experience measurable global warming.

No comments: