I Can't Get No Satisfaction!

Warning: This blog is rated PG-13. Pastoral guidance strongly suggested!

Read I Kings 1

Shakespeare would have called David's end, yea, his entire life, a divine comedy. If this story would be translated into a modern novel, it would wind up in the romance section with one of those racy pictures of a scantily clad beauty gracing the cover!


Abishag, a voluptuous young woman is called upon, in David's old age, to provide electric blanket service for the old man because he "gat no heat." She was to “minister to him” as a snuggy. Alas, the warm body of a hot girl didn't do the trick.

This is just too ironic. David's body had been warmed by about 8 wives and at least 10 other concubines throughout his life, and now, in the end, he "gat no heat."

So, Adonijah, younger brother of the dearly departed throne usurper Absalom, of recent memory, who was hung in an oak tree by his long locks as the mule walked on, follows in big brother's footsteps as a throne thief. He almost pulled it off. He seemed to have rights in that he was next in succession. He had schmoozed mercurious Joab, the fickle secretary of war and Abiathar the assistant high priest to join his coup cabinet.

However, he couldn't swing Zadok, the high priest, Benaiah, undersecretary of war and Nathan, the man of God, nor Shimei or Tei, the 5-star generals.

So, agreeing upon Rev. Nathan's plan to alert the king of the concurrent coup, Bathing Sheba enters into David's bed chambers and sees David's latest fling Abishag "ministering unto him." I wonder what thoughts passed between the 2 women in their initial glance at each other. Perhaps poor Bathsheba felt ashamed of her deteriorating body compared to Abishag's youthful one. Abishag may have felt guilt, she may have felt a bit haughty. Both may have overlooked their personal feelings for the sake of ailing David.

After the glance, Bathsheba prostates herself before his majesty and he asks her, "What do you want?" (not everybody is welcome into the king’s bedchamber as he is being “ministered to.”)

She reminds him of his promise to have her son Solomon succeed the king. Then, according to the plan, Rev. Dr. Nathan enters to alert the king of the coup underway by Adonijah. Cold-bodied, hot-tempered David then arights the situation with a proclamation in favor of Solomon's reign.

Note: Both Bathsheba and Nathan give the same benediction to David, "Live forever." Again ironic words for the man who has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel!

The subsequent coronation of the true king caused such a riotous tumult of joy that there was an earthquake resulting in a crack in the royal pavement.

As to Adonijah, he wised up and repented and Solomon gave him a reprieve from execution.

Wow! What a story! This is much better than TV? Why don’t we read our Bibles more and our novels less?