Friday, October 17, 2014

Marriage on Hold

I have a very important question for you that deserves an honest answer. Your answer just may determine your future, your happiness and your marriage. Are you ready?

Friend, is your marriage on hold right now? I mean, if I could ask your spouse, and they were up front with me without fear of the doghouse, “Is your loved one distracted from your marriage?” How would they answer?

“Well,” you might say, “You have to understand, I am just so busy these days.” Or “I am up against so many things right now.” Perhaps “I am so tired.” Or, “The pressures are just crazy.” The next question then is, when are we all not busy, up against things, tired and pressured? If you are waiting for things to normalize, guess what? Your marriage will never get back on track.

Life happens, but your vows were said to ensure that your love and fidelity would trump sickness, poverty and bad times. You said, for better or for worse, remember?

So why now are your goodbye and hello kisses mere pecks? Why is your intimacy purely perfunctory? Why are your “I love you’s” so unconvincing?

It is because life has happened and your priorities are conflicted.  If you were to be honest, an observer would guess that, to you, God has become a spare tire, your mate a lump that lays next to you at night, your children, necessary evils and your church, a back-burner dweller.

Your job, however…that place where dog eats dog, where fingers crunch as one miserable worker ant climbs over another on the ladder to success, where the bottom line is king, where you are despised, ignored, neglected, over-ruled, under-supported and unfairly compensated…. It is the lottery winner for your time, your passion, your energy and your very best.

The left-overs, the crumbs from the table go to your spouse. Is this what you meant when you parroted the preacher at the altar? “Love, honor, cherish and obey.” Have you truly forsaken all others? Other priorities, people, passions? Or does your family continue to expect left overs?

Let’s take the long look, shall we? If things continue on their present course, what can we expect? If we keep thinking that tomorrow we might have more energy, next week we might be able to carve out some time, next month things will settle down, if we continue to procrastinate about our most vital relationships…We can count on loved ones who are beyond caring anymore. We can picture ourselves alone in bed and in life. Is the job worth it? Isn’t it better to have little with the fear of the Lord (and a cohesive family) than to have great treasure and trouble therewith, Proverbs 15:16?

Oh, but wait. I see that there is more to life than the job. At the end of the day there is some time and energy and passion to spare! Yes, the computer, the internet, the smart phone - - look at the extra effort we suddenly have to put forth for them. It’s a miracle!

STOP saying, “Well, right now, I just can’t afford to be passionate about my marriage.”  Instead say, “Right now, I am going to reinvest in my marriage and my home, the job be darned!” You promised to have and to hold. I am not sure that meant you were going to put your marriage on hold.

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